Lesson: Waiting for the answer–with patience
No matter how many songs I write, I always seem to find my way back to this one: “Have Your Way”. I wrote this song during my first semester of my freshman year of college. I was sitting at my desk alone, completely unaware of how to handle the things I was facing at the time.
Being that I am so particular, I cannot stand when things are completely out of my control—when there is nothing that I can do to make things better or to mollify a harsh situation. One thing is for sure, however; those situations teach me to trust God. As I sat there perplexed at life, my heart began to pour out before God, and I was given this verse:
Jesus have your way, I don’t know what else to say
I’m trying Lord, but I’m not trying hard enough
I fail every single day; I know I’m flawed but so are they
How does discipline come so easy for others?
And on top of that God I crave this blessing that’s in my face
For it all of my life I’ve prayed, and I’ve sought you on my face
Lord can I please see in some area relief
Before that time comes
I sing this song so much I’m sick of it, and I know for a fact my roommates grew tired of it as well. But it describes my life perfectly. Too many times have I been left speechless before God with my failures staring me in the face. I can only hope that it isn’t God’s will for me to stay here; Lord, have your way.
I understand what it is like to be frustrated with yourself because you didn’t give it your all. But it is an entirely different issue when you feel like you laid your all on the line, you tried with everything you had, and God chose not to make your efforts produce any fruit.
Honestly, I feel so guilty for that statement because I try so hard not to make bogus excuses. CHRISTIAN failed. HE did not deliver. Somewhere down the line HE dropped the ball. I do not blame God for the negative things that happen in my life, even if they seemed out of my control—even if there were extenuating circumstances (factors as I’d referred to them as in a previous blog).
“I know I’m flawed, but so are they”; who are they? They are the people who succeed. Anyone who seems to pull their weight. We live in such a generalist-driven society. We esteem psychology but hypocritically view every struggle that is not our own as black and white. If this, then that—that is how you would handle that situation. (I said before, I don’t believe in generalizations, although I’m probably a hypocrite for that statement.)
This line of the song is me admitting that yes, I do compare myself to others. I am not jealous. Nothing makes me happier than to hear people’s success stories. However, I’d just like to experience some of those same successes.
“Lord can I please see in some area relief.” I feel like every aspect of my life has always been hectic. I’ve never had a break. This was my plea for a glimpse of rest somewhere, “before that time comes”.
I don’t really know what that time is, but I know that I don’t want to find out. It is a place beyond rock bottom; a place where I felt I’ve been before, but understanding that there is always someone who has it worse lets me know I haven’t.
What I love about this song “Have Your Way” is that it transitions from that place of hopelessness to a beautiful declaration that stems from a conviction that understands God to be sovereign, loving, and great beyond all my circumstances, and that conviction declares:
Have your way, manifest your will
Perform your plan, your perfect plan
God I trust you. Do what you do
Complete your work in me Lord
What I understand is that things change. They change in ways that I wish they wouldn’t. Troubles come, depression strikes at times, tangible blessings don’t always last; nonetheless, my God remains the same. He is not shaken. He is not moved.
I must admit, the weight of the storm has caused me to wonder. I don’t doubt you God, but I am concerned with your how. “All things work together for the good…” (Romans 8:28), but how will you choose to make it work out this time. Will it work in the way that I am praying it does? That is not always important, but it is right now.
I have no answer. Only time will tell. But God, I will hold fast to the answer I do have: you are Lord. Everything in this life is subject to you. You love me. That’s enough to make me say, “Jesus, have your way.” I pray for the desire that is burning in my heart. I pray for peace. I pray desperately for relief and betterment. Regardless, God, my greatest desire—the desire that frightens me terribly—is that you have your way in my life.