Lesson: Learning to Fight Until the Gavel is Banged
I’m feeling a little indifferent about the past week. It was a good week. Nothing went terribly wrong, but I’m still swimming through some uncertain waters that should have died down by now.
When I think about it, one of the things that makes me apprehensive in life is the fact that in the past year I have come to terms (I guess you can say) with the fact that most of the things we ask God for—and holler in church about how he’s going to make them come to pass—he has absolutely no obligation to do.
I’m perfectly fine with that to an extent. We assume too many promises—promises that in many cases God never gave. Our reasoning: “since God loves me, he’ll do this” is completely relative, and in most cases false. God does not think like us. He says, “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my…thoughts [higher] than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:9, ESV). Since his thoughts are higher, I’m fine with him having his way.
The problem ensues when the situation gets more serious. I prayed for a car and God blessed me with the money to buy one. I needed a new phone because my old one was giving me trouble. I prayed for a specific phone, but I came in with an expectation that I was purchasing another one that was in my price range. However, the phone I wanted turned out to be on sale for cheaper than the older phone I had planned on getting, so I got what I wanted. There is a concert tomorrow that I was not able to get press passes for sadly; however, it looks like I still might be able to attend although the probability at first looked highly unlikely.
What I’m saying here is that although I am appreciative of all of these things, they were not completely necessary. I would be frustrated and unable to get to the places I need to get to without a car, but I would be okay without one. I did need a new phone because I was missing important calls and messages, but I did not need the Galaxy S7. I love concerts tremendously, and working media helps my business; however, I do not absolutely need to attend this concert if I’m not working.
Now although I’ve worked hard for these things, there have been too many of these occurrences in my life for me to consider them happenstantial. God has been by my side. But he could have said no, and although I would have been disappointed, I would have been fine.
However, when the situation is more serious, as I’ve stated before, and what I am praying for has the potential to affect my life drastically, it is difficult to be at ease knowing that God has the authority to simply tell me no. That has never been a worry until this year as I’ve seen it happen. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love me. But what do you do when your interests—the interests that seem to define such a large part of your life—get disregarded by the one who cares for you most?
I am staying positive; maintaining the faith, but I would be a liar to say I am not worried—deeply afraid even (at times). God, I know that my plans are subject to yours. My desires must ultimately answer to you. But if this doesn’t work out how I’d planned, I don’t know how I can recuperate.
But right now all I can do is be still. I know that very well. I must not allow peace and even happiness to be circumstantial. I’ve lead a very difficult life; most people have no idea. But God my trust is not moved. I’ll wait with patience. I’ll grab peace by the collar and tell him he’s not going anywhere. I’m sick of everything ideal being so fickle! I’ll trust you until you bang the gavel.
I’ve never believed in plan b’s. As a matter of fact, I despise them. Partly because I hate excuses and I’m the type of person to do whatever it takes to follow through with my word. Yes, they can be necessary at times, but I don’t think this is one of those times. I think now, as I wait for the uncertain to be revealed, I must lock into faith like a lion locks into its prey with complete determination before striking into action viciously going in for the kill.
I will be stubbornly steadfast in my pursuit. If the outcome is undesirable, I pray it does not tear me apart. But as of now, I forcibly remain in peace, and I hunt. I prey for what is desirable. Yes, I prey. I prey indeed. God, please take into account my selfless pursuit. And by your grace, make it outweigh my flaws.